It was a wet, windy, dark, miserable Friday night, and Ben and myself were in Maidstone.  Feeling peckish, Ben followed me through the most stupidly signed town centre in the world to the local MacDonald’s.  Half an hour later we each had £30 fines.

This is how it went.

As mentioned, Ben was following me, and as we turned into the road, we knew MacDonald’s was on the right at the end (neither Ben nor myself know Maidstone that well, and so we often find places by chance more than anything.)  This is the road we turned into, - now which way would you turn at the end ?  (bearing in mind MacDonald’s is to the right).

As we turned right, Mr Policeman in 406 waved Ben and I over.  He was –at the time- writing a ticket for someone else in a clapped out old Sierra.  We had no idea why we were pulled over.   As he walked over and exclaimed (rather jealously!) hey, you in the Cosworth, get out, I trundled over to him and then he told us.  We were going the wrong way up a one way street.  We were livid – as well as confused.  The signs had been messed around with, and not from the area, we simply followed the signs (OBVIOUSLY).

The (idiot of a) policeman proceeded to read his obligatory sentences, do we understand etc.  We had argued our case long enough, and he was intent to book us, and realising it was a fine and no points (if either Ben or myself get points we are in trouble!) we simply frustrated him even more by never properly listening to what he was saying (he has to repeat all his words until we properly understand – it’s the law!!!) and asking him to repeat again and again.   At that point, another car came the wrong way up a one way street parallel to where we were standing.  On asking him why he didn’t book this other car (a 5series BMW – not a Cosworth, Gti, Turbo etc.) he simply ignored us.  Fair ? Decide for yourself.

The result was  a £30 fine each.  But this was not particularly the frustrating bit.  He proceeded to tell us that we could pay the fine and shut up, or fight it.  If we fight, we risk £2000, and 6 points.  A risk far too great for either of us to take. 

And do you know what he did then ? He got interested in our cars.  He tried to act all nice, all interested.  This truly was a frustrating moment.  He asked us about dump valves, turbos, insurance, you name it. 

It was one thing booking us.  It was another thing trying to be nice.  I just hope the whole world is as appreciative as Ben and I are of the good good work the police are doing.  How motorists aren’t singled out – especially those of us who cherish, enjoy and look after our cars.  And how responsive and helpful the police are when your house gets burgled, in comparison to their enjoyment when you do 80mph on a motorway.  Well done lads. You deserve your nicknames.